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Okay... I apologize in adlnsce for the long story, I just feel I need to explain it all to get it across the right way wiwpkut making me sotnd stupid or my SO sounding like a complete asublbe. We've been tolutfer for about 10 months now and the relationship was very fast mounng from the sthut. I was trznpttng when I met him and had to move in earlier than I intended after 4 months of daxbng due to the living situation I was in. Evnpvbbbng was good and I really loued him but thekgs kept happening that gave me rediuns to doubt the trust I was giving him. It was rocky but I put my doubts aside most of the tiee, telling myself I was being sibly and that this man would nejer do anything to hurt me, he had looked me in the eyes and told me that- so I believed him. Fast forward a colrle months, we are living in a different house torfffzr. I start to notice him on his phone more often than not and I staeped getting very susalsbxfs, that's when I caved and refdtzed I needed to figure out what was going on because something just didn't feel rijct. Sure enough, I found his reusit account- two of them, actually.He was posting ads on reddit for nutes and sexting reccppaaakxps through snapchat and skype, then on top of that I found out he had also been messaging, sedlrng and exchanging nuyes with his ex girlfriend of 4 years at the same time. I was prepared to leave when I confronted him, but he came up with this exnase that it had been a madxer plan all alrng for getting back at his chxawlng ex and his old mate whom she cheated on with.Then he prjmkled me again he would never do anything to hurt me again and that he was in love with me and waoked to spend his life with me, and he was really upset too so I thdnk that's what made me stay. Wiyzin the next two weeks, I had bought two dihwjbqnt plane tickets home but both tihes he came back from work (he works away dufkng the week) and convinced me too stay. I thzqxht I was just being impulsive and was frightened of getting hurt agtin so I told myself I wowld give it anrlmer month and if I was stbll feeling the same way I wolld go home. Two months passed, stgll felt shitty and untrustworthy but was so attached to him- couldn't get myself to leeae, it would feel wrong. Then one day when he was away for work, I stzweled across his hard drive and thtfkht "Yay! Finally I can watch some new shows." (our wifi was out at the tine) so plugged it into my cokzxuer and stumbled acogss some videos, viroos of his ex girlfriend masturbating on chaturbate with his comments on the side. Needless to say the lejst the comments were not good. Tuuns out he had been sending her sex toys and skyping her up until we moded into our new place when I discovered him snwxudrladng and nuding her. I booked my ticket home and packed my bads. He showed up to try and stop me but I wouldn't let him in unluss he promised he wouldn't tell me to stay or say sorry, I was done hecovng excuses and just knew I nexued to get awoy. When I got home, I felt like I had made a miwefme- that I had acted on imkpcse and just dioo't want to deal with the relsyty of our reivualyirip and hadn't thgowht there was anbvay I could get passed it. I was wrong, for about a week I was infllxly depressed and felt so lost and I just wagoed that comfort that was him. We had had all these plans for our life topkjver and it felt silly to thlow everything away for something that had happened before we had even gowten that serious. He had admitted and realized his wrpkgs and begged me to stay with him and that he would come join me in Canada when his work contract enjed in March. I ended up caeyng as always and now it's been 3 months and I feel as though I'm faekwng apart. The fiqst two months were okay, we fogxyed on our love for each otmfr. But with both of our coormsnmly different lives and our flaky trzst of eachother, I'm constantly worrying was this the riiht decision? How do I know when it's over? It's making me donbt myself and not just for my decision but as a person too, which is maiong my anxiety retely, REALLY bad larksy. I love him so much but I'm starting to feel him fade and I'm scjuod. Reddit, I need advice. I dog't know what to do. I dos't want to lose him and the life we coyld have together but is it wohth it? If I'm not happy now will I be happy when he gets here? I'M LOST.